I've been staring at them for days. I have my name and address information filled in as well as my husband's and son's. The rest is much harder for me. It is my "notification" paperwork for the department. If I am injured or killed in the line of duty, in which order do I want my friends and family to be notified? How do I want to designate my beneficiaries of my benefits? What type of funeral do I want to have? Do I have any special requests upon my death? Once it is filled out, it gets locked in the department safe and only opened if something happens to me in the line of duty.
They won't sign off on my orientation paperwork until I have my forms filled out. I know this is to make sure that they are covering their liabilities but, more importantly, it is because their people and associated families are also important and so it makes sense to take care of them too. In some ways, a deadline on my paperwork stresses me more but on the other hand, it is a good thing. I think of myself as still quite young and immature. But the truth is that we never know what tomorrow will bring. And, in spite of how difficult it is to ask myself the tough "what if" questions, I can't put it off forever.
I have long known that my profession is one of the most dangerous there is. Quite honestly, when I started out, job safety wasn't a factor on my radar. I was young and single and had very little family responsibility. A lot has changed, though, in the last 8 years.
Some days the dangers of my job scare me. I deal with combative patients and those under the influence of various recreational drugs. I work on and along high speed roadways. I do a lot of driving. There have been a lot of advances in the name of EMS safety. But the sad truth still is that, since 2001, each year on average 56 EMS providers have lost their lives in the line of duty, nearly the average for line of duty deaths for law enforcement. Most of those providers lost their lives in auto accidents. Several died from heart attacks and other physical complications related to the stresses of the job. Some were electrocuted or poisoned from onscene dangers. Others were killed by violent individuals at or near the scenes to which they responded.
Every day I go to work, I do all that I can to make sure I don't become one of those statistics. Sadly, some things are out of our hands. I want to go home to my family at the end of every day. I want to see my son grow up and graduate. I want to grow old with my husband. And I will do all I can to make sure that happens. Thankfully I work for a service that wants the same and are extremely safety conscious.
In spite of the fact that I hope the "what if" questions never become a factor, I will fill out my paperwork...and hope that it sits safely tucked away in the department safe forever.
