Suicide

I have debated for a while whether I wanted to write about this. It is a tough subject to talk about. It is even a more difficult matter to deal with personally.The sad reality has become that my life has been directly affected by suicide in recent weeks and, judging by the increased number of suicide calls that most agencies seem to be responding to locally, this is something that is at the forefront of may people's minds.
I won't claim to be an expert on this subject. In fact I don't want to give the impression in any way, that I am even semi-knowledgeable about it. I simply want to share my thoughts based upon my direct experience with those have tried to take their own life or succeeded in doing so.
My first suicidal patient was a girl I knew in high school. She was a year older than me and I remember always being jealous of her. She seemed to have all the money, looks, smarts and a perfect family. I'll never forget the horror I felt when she staggered into the ER that night during my EMT internship. The look in her eyes told me she was just as horrified to see a familiar face in a town 3 hours from where we had grown up. Part of me still wonders if she would have sought help if she had known that she would have to face someone from her past that had pretty much idolized her. Although, part of me also believes, at that point, her pride was the last thing on her mind.
The grave lesson I learned in that interaction was this: No matter how perfect we think someone is, they have basic fundamental human needs and wants. Sometimes, though, the inner torment is too much to bear and interferes with with the fulfillment of those needs. When that scenario unfolds and someone feels there is no way to cope, they make the decision to either get help or give up.
Thankfully, my fellow alum decided to get the help she needed and I saw her just a few years ago, living a healthy, normal life. Sadly, happy outcomes are usually the exception rather than the norm. I will not recount to you every suicidal individual that I have interacted with over the years but they have ranged from the very young to the very old. Some have succeeded in taking their lives. Thankfully, many have not. The reasons are all different and everyone's support systems are different. So, as is the case with any patient, no two are alike. The difference is how they are cared for after the initial event. The road to recovery is a long one for someone who has had suicidal thoughts or attempted suicide. Once someone has received the care they need, we must ensure that a stable support system remains in place to help that person over whatever hurdles they may face. It takes effort and lots of it. But it's a rather small price to pay to keep someone from doing harm to themselves.
Everyone tends to talk about prevention. Or they blame themselves for not seeing the warning signs sooner. I want to tell them not to beat themselves up. If someone is intent on committing suicide, they are also intent on keeping it a secret in an attempt to ease the burden on their loved ones. Many times though, individuals will make a "cry for help" which exhibits itself in a botched attempt to end the pain. Quite frankly, how we respond to that "cry for help" will make the difference between whether that person will make another attempt on their life or seek the help they need and go on to live a normal life.
I don't care how much "awareness" there is about suicide and depression. The harsh reality is that there is a severe stigma when dealing with those who suffer from mental illness or are simply going through a "rough patch". The tendency is to scoff at those who are struggling or, worse, make jokes at their expense. It is a sad statement of society as a whole when we reject those that need us most.
After a friend of mine made an attempt on her life, I wasn't allowed to visit her in the hospital. When she came home her family surrounded her and passed on the message on that she did not want visitors. This I understood, in spite of the fact that I wanted to be there to help her out. She needed time to gather her thoughts. The best I could do was send a card with whatever words encouragement I could muster. Finally, a week after she tried to end her life, I was able to see her. She tried to act like nothing had happened and avoided talking about her recent harrowing experience. She doted on her children the same way she always had. But there was still sadness in her eyes. Deep, painful sadness. I tried to recall why I hadn't noticed it before. I normally am profoundly good at reading people and their intentions. I have no idea why my friend's inner torment had escaped my notice.
My friend still fears that we are angry with her or harboring resentment for her actions. I hope eventually we can reassure her that we love her and are here to help help her and those feelings will dissipate. In the meantime, I want to hug all of her pain and anxiety away and let her know I am here no matter what she needs or when she needs it.
One thing I have learned throughout the years is that dealing with suicidal strangers is actually much easier than dealing with suicidal family or friends. When we are not already emotionally vested in someone, it is easier to deal with the situation from an objective standpoint. I can tell you this, though, if you are not emotionally vested with a suicidal person before they try to end their life, you will be...or at least should be, after your initial interaction.
Sometimes we tend to think that our scope of influence is limited. I am here to say that, with anyone, especially those who are suicidal, your actions can mean the world to them. Casting them aside after the initial incident is the worst possible thing anyone can do. Anyone and everyone who genuinely continues to show care and concern can change that person's life forever. And, in the process, your life will be changed also.
Depression and anxiety are diseases, the same as diabetes and cancer are diseases. They need to be treated as such. We cannot wish them away or act like they are something that someone is just making up to get attention. We have to be willing to stick our neck out, ask some uncomfortable questions and offer whatever possible assistance there is. Sometimes it's frustrating and it's always outside of our "comfort zone". But we have to take the time out of our busy lives to make a phone call or stop by to visit them.  Someday, when someone thanks you for helping them through the most distressing time of their life, you'll know it was all worth it.